Looking Up

Oh dear – I was dreading it would come to this. I told them I was going to die, but did they listen? Nah! None of this would have been necessary…stop throwing me around like a piece of meat…this damned slab is like being in a butcher’s shop…but then ermm

Still, at least they closed my eyes, but now…what’s happening. Turn off those lights for god’s sake … It’s no good, they can’t hear me, or see me hovering. Little do they know about me. All they’ve been told is that I took an overdose. So, now…oh, no, not the stomach contents…I’d be throwing up under normal circumstances. That’s it, spreadeagle me. Oh, how embarrassing! Do they really have to do that? Look, I’m an old worn-out druggie-cum-alchie surely you can fill in a simple death certificate without… What now? Please…don’t remove my… No good – it’s gone! What the hell will they do with it? Confirm what anyone could have told them, that I lived my life in the fast lane, spent my millions on wine, women and song…and the rest I squandered?

Look, I caught everything under the sun that sex, drugs, and rock ’n roll could ask for. It was fun. For a while. Well, for a long time actually. Then the millions ran out and sure, I ended up on the streets – but I really looked after myself. I had a proper tent and a proper ‘home’ under the railway bridge. Sure, it was noisy, but it was dry, and not many rats, which is more than most of my fellow rough sleepers could say.

Ah! Please don’t poke in there. If I weren’t dead, that would really hurt. Do they have no compassion? A few down-and-outs might come to my funeral perhaps. I think my dear old mother will arrange it all. She never stopped loving me… Please, just take me away.

- Rebecca S Mason

Autopsy Turvy - The Perfect Match

Sally-Anne closed her eyes and released an involuntary groan as a rush of seminal fluid exploded inside her. At the same time, an email delivery chimed on her laptop. It was the report she’d been waiting for – evidence that would lead her to the shocking revelation of the identity of the corpse she’d been examining. Thoughts of this peculiar case had been plaguing her for days. Images of his decimated face and splayed-out gizzards would often pop up at the most inconvenient of times. Like now, when she was wedged against her office desk engaged in frantic love-making with the chief forensic officer.

Sex for the lonely she conceded privately before offering a crusty kiss to her boss and guiding him out of the room. A moment of stillness, then she snapped up her computer and hurried to the laboratory.

The body was still on the slab. She slid back the cover with her usual reverence and beheld the mortal remains of the mystery man, his face bereft of features, mutilated by a blunt object delivered with force and fury.

As she opened her computer, she felt a trickle down her inner thigh. It was the same sensation she’d felt the week before, when she’d collected the errant fluid in a sampling pipette and sent it off for analysis. This time, she simply daubed it with a tissue and tossed it into the sanitary disposal bin.

The email report was brief and to the point. His DNA, his fingerprints. The corpse and her lover were a perfect match.

- David Erskine

The Anatomy Lecture

The group of medical students stood around the autopsy table scalpels ready. The anatomy lecturer gave his usual spiel about correct display technique relating to specific organs, muscles and tissue.

‘Today we’re examining a cadaver of an eighty year old woman. This is a donor body and it’s already been specifically examined for heart disease, arthritis and gynaecological destruction- as one might find at such an age.’ He went on to explain, ‘The advantage of doing post mortems on donor bodies is they usually come with an extensive long-term history which makes it possible to track disease processes.’

A female student piped up, ‘Why would anyone want to donate themselves to be cut up?’

The male standing next to her answered, ‘It’s the cheapest way to give your folks a nice funeral. When we’ve finished with ‘em here, the school puts on a proper show, invites all the families and pays for the cremation.’

‘I’m going to talk my oldies into it,’ sparked another.

‘Let’s get on with it.’ The professor drew back the shroud, ‘You can see she’s already unzipped. Now, as you’ve all had the relevant notes on today’s anatomical investigation we’re following her history of breast cancer. After having read all the specialists reports and notes on surgeries, radiation and drug interventions we’ll be looking for the long term damage or evidence of those processes.’ He looked at a student working his mobile.

‘Sam, can we expect something better from you today?’

‘She pretty skinny – makes it easy to find your way around. Only one boob, bones a bit shonky with mets.’

‘And you think you’ll pass anatomy?’

‘Just can’t help wondering why people put themselves up for this?’

The girl next to him offered, ‘Maybe she wanted to squeeze a bit attention out of life or be useful after she was dead ?’

- Barb Kelly

Post Portem

(The events recorded here took place on the 15th and 16th of June 2015. They should not be confused with, or compared to, events or persons currently alive or dead….)

Date and time of death: 15 June 2015, 1926 hours.
Location: Autopsy was performed at St John the Baptist Hospital, New York
Date and time of autopsy: 16 June 2015, 0830 – 1020 hours
The deceased is a Caucasian male aged between 65 and 70, overweight, verging on obese. His height is 1.9 metres, weight 110 kilos. He was admitted last night following a shooting incident and was found to have suffered gunshot wounds to the face, head and chest. He was still breathing on admission but had lost a lot of blood. He was operated on by doctors who attempted to staunch the bleeding, but his injuries were too severe and he was pronounced dead at 7.26 p.m. Subsequent to our initial post mortem examination we learned the identity of the deceased and our investigator has since been able to interview members of his family and those who were in the vicinity and witnessed the attack. We have been able to establish that he was a well-known businessman and entrepreneur who had recently risen to prominence as a reality television star. It is understood that he held political aspirations although this is not confirmed.
My report is submitted herewith:
Multiple gunshot wounds
1. Gunshot wound to head. a. Intermediate range entrance wound in left cheek. b. Perforations of soft tissues of face, skull, and brain. c. Missile recovered in right scalp.
2. Gunshot wound to torso. a. Entrance wound in right back. b. Perforations of vertebral column, left ribs, left lung, and liver. c. Exit wound in left anterior axilla.
3. Fatty change of liver.
4. Dilated cardiomyopathy.
The deceased was a 69-year-old male who was found injured after shots were heard. Autopsy showed the cause of death to be multiple gunshot wounds to the head and torso. One of the wounds was of intermediate range and the others were distant. There were no other injuries; natural disease was documented, but played no role in the death. Based on the findings at autopsy, and the circumstances of death as currently known, the manner of death is homicide. This investigation into the death of Mr Donald John Trump, aged 69, a real estate developer and hotelier, late of New York City, is hereby concluded.
Peter Mason, M.D. Forensic Pathologist, 16 June 2015

Footnote: June 16th 2015 was the date Donald J Trump would have declared his candidacy as the Republican nominee for President had he not been murdered the previous day.
- Peter Mason